Pip Bailey's Profile

Pip is well known in concentric circles and has been mentioned in despatches...(mainly because he wrote them to his Aunty Dot in Hatfield).

Starting life in humble circumstances, he rose to great hights, (much as the central mountain chain in Holland towers several feet above sea level).

An early career in the Tax Office was cut tragically short when they suddenly realised he had a sense of humour and that when it was combined with dyslexic type difficulties, filing records was a bit of a problem.

He then worked at countless jobs, (mainly because he could not count very well), before deciding to train as a teacher where his single GSE pass in home economics was at last valued.

Thenceforth, he studied Art and Education, and had enough wit to blackmail the examiner, (after bribery had failed). He then went on to teach in primary schools, finally ending up as a Deputy Head Teacher. He is fondly remembered by both staff and children. One young man, being detained at HM pleasure, remembers, with obvious emotion: "Was he that beared git who taught us all them funny songs. I liked him. In fact he was the only teacher I did like ...." (sorry, the rest is censored).

Tiring of the thrusts and demands of teaching the little saints, and seeing, with his beady weather watch eye, the gathering storm that was to become the National Curriculum, he looked for other ways to slowly kill himself and went off to train as and Educational Psychologist. Having sucessfully burnt himself by jumpimg out of the frying pan and into the fire, he did initially enjoy the change. But then, when the "powers that be" began to want him to be a circus horse, (jumping through hoops...Ed), he decided it was time to meet his destiny, (having in the past found numerous why not to do so)!

It was at this cusp in his middle age that Ultralab rode into the picture, a White Knigth in shining armour. Suddenly, all his talents were used, (well that didn't take too long then did it...Ed)), and he was amongst his own kind, home at last and happy.

Recently, (1/1/2001), he was created a "Life Pier", but this has just been stripped of this honour from as it was found he was a very short pier and people kept falling of the end of him. (What a waste...Ed)! AS

(The large letter simple words type book of this is avialbale to the "Hard of Understanding" range and is avaiable on audio and video cassette priced 14 euros and is attainable from "Idontbelieveit Press".)

(NB All views expressed in this biography are those of the author and not Ultralab's. Any typing errors are down to ignorance and lack of skill by the author..so there)!